Still
by BreyerRose
Summary: I remember hearts that beat. I remember you and me tangled in hotel sheets. I remember honey lips and words so true. I remember nonstop earthquake dreams of you.
1. Chapter 1

~This was inspired by a Matt Nathanson song called 'Still' and a long boring drive. I saw this scene in my head and had to write it, but I'm not sure where this is going next, or if there is even a next step. So if anyone has any ideas or feedback I would love to hear from you. Please let me know what you guys think. And it's supposed to be a bit secretive, see if you can guess who the boy is before you reach the end ;) Enjoy reading and please review! And as always, I don't own the song or any of the people mentioned~

~Still~

Alex wondered what measured success. Was it the number of hours of TV time one accumulated? Was it the quality of talent one worked with? Was it the money one got to make while living what was supposed to be only a dream to most? If all those answers could be argued then he figured they had both found success. But none of those arguments advised anyone to consider what they would be giving up as they struggled to succeed. Had he known that then, maybe he would have reconsidered the path he chose to walk down. Maybe Alex would have chosen the other company; or at the very least cherished the moments he now missed so badly. He was happy for the things he'd experienced and the things he'd been able to accomplish, but those things would have been better if he was still able to wake up next to a pair of warm mocha brown eyes.

Phone calls and e-mails weren't enough. The late night recaps in cold opulent hotel rooms could not compare to the all night talks they'd shared in ratty old motels squished onto a lumpy twin mattress with two more boys snoring in the adjacent bed, and one more camped out on the floor by the door. It was tough in those days, but that's what had made them so great. They were all young and starving, some nights almost literally when the booker was short on cash, but Alex was never deterred. As long as he had him by his side then he was ready to take on the world. It wasn't by accident that they'd gravitated toward one another; they were the youngest in the group. But Alex was always quick to remind him that he was indeed younger than the Michigan native. A fact the smaller brunette had to begrudgingly accept. But he really didn't mind. The ribbings from the other guys were all in good fun, and there was no way that Alex would ever let it get out of hand. He rather enjoyed how protective the older boy from Detroit would become. At first they had bonded over music, the long drives in between shows were perfect for going through CDs and fighting with the unreliable radio stations. He used to keep Alex company when it was his turn to drive. He'd sit in the passenger seat and they'd talk for hours. They found they had the same sense of humor, although Alex's sarcasm could have more of bite when he was upset about something. Alex was never shy to cut down any of the other guys when they pissed him off or did something stupid, but he usually held his tongue when the youngest was at fault and was more than likely involved with whatever mischief was at foot. Oh, what Alex wouldn't give to see that impish smirk that had saved them countless times, god he missed that. But most of all he missed the way the smaller boy would cuddle up to him in those awful hotel rooms on those uncomfortable beds and fit himself against Alex as if he was the key to his lock. Voices were always whisper soft and floated between brushing lips so the other boys sleeping in the room wouldn't wake up. Those nights hidden under the ugly stiff bedspreads were the happiest nights Alex ever spent. So many promises and plans for the future had been made under those covers; neither boy believing none of them would come to fruition. Alex still laid in bed most nights thinking back to those whispers, and the adorable kiss swollen pout they came from. It was as close to the real thing he came anymore.

He was startled out of his melancholy recollections by the loud speaker calling his flight to board. He shouldered his back pack and sent one last text message to his best friend assuring him that he'd be back in time for the TNA show they were scheduled to tag on. He just had to go see a certain youngster with a pair of beautiful chocolate brown eyes first.

The flight into St. Louis wasn't long, but it was almost unbearable for Alex. He tried to sleep, but his nerves wouldn't let him have a moment's peace. He ignored the ringing in his ears as he walked through the bustling air port, bypassing the luggage carousel he headed outside to hail a cab. Twilight was just beginning as he climbed into the back seat of a yellow taxi. He told the driver the address and he started the meter before pulling away from the curb.

"You fly in just for the show?" The cabbie asked pleasantly.

"You could say that," Alex replied pulling his phone out of its compartment in his back pack.

"I heard it was sold out," he continued.

"I don't doubt it. The usually are."

The cabbie glanced back in his mirror; Alex was gazing out the window watching the signs fly by. He recognized some of the names of the streets and when they told him the arena was just up ahead bats began to fly around in his stomach. He was all nerves and excitement and somewhere in between terrified of walking into the competition's building, even if he did have a few friends there.

Alex fished some bills out of his pocket and paid his fare. He slipped his back pack on and slid his phone open. He sent a text message and began to walk around to the back entrance. The burly security guards eyed him suspiciously, just as the largest one approached him the gray-blue door opened and Alex smiled gratefully.

"It's cool Rick, he's on the list up front he's just late."

"You got a pass for him?"

"Right here," a lamented pass dangled from the strawberry blonde's fingers. "C'mon Shelley."

Alex shrugged and hurried pass the guard. His confidant smiled at him and handed over his permit.

"Thanks for doing this Reso, I really appreciate it," the brunette said as he slid the plastic square into his pocket.

"No problem man. I think it's awesome that you came all this way for him."

"I missed his official debut, I couldn't miss this too."

Jason smiled at the younger boy as he directed them to his locker room. There were only a handful of techs running around making sure the live broadcast continued to run smoothly. The stars of the show were all caught up in the schedule of the night and were busy concentrating on whatever part they had for the event. Alex was glad that he had some time to calm down before he had to face anyone else. Those bats were still ramming into his stomach walls.

"How's AJ?" Jason finally asked what he'd been holding back since he let Alex inside the building.

The younger boy smiled knowingly. "He's fine. A little frustrated about the current angles in TNA but we pretty much all are anymore."

"I don't blame you guys. I've been watching the shows, what the hell is wrong Jarrett these days?"

"Damned if I know," Alex scowled. "Oh, AJ asked me to give this to you."

He took his knap sack off and unzipped the front pocket. He pulled out a small figurine and gave it to the other boy. Jason studied it for a moment then a hearty laugh filled the small room. He held onto the AJ Styles action figure and shook his head.

"Smart ass," he muttered. "I tell him that I wish we could always be together and this is what I get."

Alex chuckled this time. "He didn't tell me anything about it, just told me to give it to you and you'd get it."

Jason's eyes were glued to the toy with a whimsical soft look, as if he was a thousand miles away instead of in the same room. Alex sighed, he missed that expression. He busied himself with readjusting his bag; the movement seemed to snap Jason back to reality.

"Sorry, I-"

"It's fine," Alex interrupted him.

Jason nodded, and glanced around for a new topic of conversation. He rubbed at the back of his neck and blew out a sigh.

"You hungry or anything? We could head down to catering."

"Nah, I'm good. I couldn't eat anyway. I just wanna see him."

"He's sharing a room with Johnny and Kofi; you could probably catch him before his match."

"No, I don't want anything to take his focus of tonight. This is his big moment ya know, he's so excited that he made to this show."

"And just what is wrong with ECW?" Jason demanded.

Alex smirked, "well let's be honest here Reso, it's really just a higher level of OVW. I mean all the good talent gets moved up once they prove they can handle it."

"Ah!" The current ECW champion fisted his shirt over his heart. "That hurts dude. Like wow, after I pulled all these strings to sneak you in here."

The former X division champion just shrugged, offering no sympathy.

"Whatever, at least I'm on TV every week unlike some."

The two wrestlers caught each other up on some mutual friends, but the attempt to kill the time didn't help Alex's nerves. He kept checking the digital clock on his phone; he never knew forty five minutes could feel so long. Finally they headed down to the central locker room to watch the main event on the communal monitor. Some people were still in their gear, others were already dressed but had stuck around for the end of the show. Alex couldn't help feeling a little like the kid from the wrong side of the tracks as he lingered in the door way watching everyone consort with each other. Jason smiled encouragingly and waved him over to the group he had joined. Taking a deep breath he made his way into the group.

"Alex Shelley? What the fuck are you doing here?"

Unruffled, the Michigan native just smirked. "Thought I'd come crash the party."

"Well don't let Vince find out, he'd probably have you ejected from the building."

"It's legit dude, I got a pass."

"Why didn't you tell us he was coming Jay?" A pair of brown eyes turned accusingly on the Canadian.

"'Cause it wasn't any of your damn business Punk," Jason replied in the same overly serious tone.

This allowed for a few chuckles within the small circle. Phil Brooks rolled his eyes then he swept the room in a quick glance.

"Where's Chris at?"

"Not here," Alex answered. "I came by myself."

"So for those of you that don't know, this is Alex Shelley, Shelley; this is everyone," Jason kind of introduced.

"'Sup," the visiting brunette nodded sheepishly.

A chorus of greetings was thrown back and the end of the night chatter erupted again. Alex took the opportunity to scan the room. Some of the faces he recognized, the few he knew he smiled at. Suddenly music started blaring from the front of the arena and muffled screams and cheers announced the start of the main event. Everyone in the room quieted down and turned to the large flat screen monitor on the wall. Alex watched as the top heel of this company and current champion of the brand climbed into the ring. He recognized the third generation wrestler and knew that this was going to be an awesome match. He knew how much the boy he'd come to see was anticipating this contest. They'd spoken about it just last week. He'd called Alex around 2 in the morning, just after he'd settled into his hotel room after a very long day. As tired as he was, Alex could still hear the excitement in his voice when he'd told him about tonight. That was the same night that Alex decided he had to be here for him. He was finally going to come through on one of those whispered promises made so long ago.

"Did I miss it?" Someone shouted sprinting into the room.

"No, Orton just did his entrance," Phil answered.

"Oh thank god. I'd be pissed if I missed it."

"Can't you ever put a shirt on dude?" That kid from the Real World chortled.

"I couldn't find one and I didn't wanna miss his entrance," his friend scowled raking his hand through his thick dark hair, it was still damp from his shower.

"Shh!" A pretty blonde with pink highlights hissed.

"Yeah John, shut-up," the one time reality star nudged the shirtless boy next to him.

John Hennigan had a retort to his friend Mike, but familiar music hit and all hopes of a comeback were forgotten. Alex fought to swallow the acrid ball of jealousy that was sitting deep in his throat as he watched the chiseled brunette watch the screen. He forced himself to ignore him and concentrated on the face he had come so far to finally see. The plucky youngster was determined and focused, but that unmistakable spark that ignited his chocolate brown eyes when he was enthusiastic burned bright, and the corners of his mouth fought that elfin smile as he slapped hands with the fans lining the ramp. Alex was soon as enraptured as the audience that had paid to see him and forgot all about John Hennigan. All he cared about was the boy making his Monday Night Raw debut in his home town.

The match began and the young brunette started strong against the champion. He used his superior speed to strike and move, keeping Orton off balance with his array of aerial maneuvers. Orton put him over well, the smaller boy got quite a few pops, but toward the middle of the match it became clear who was going over. Orton was able to catch the fluid performer and soon the younger boy was on the mat selling his injuries. Alex winced for him when he was flung between the ropes landing on the floor. He hit the barricade hard and was slow to get back into the ring. But he was right where he needed to be for the next spot, proving how tough he was. Alex knew there was no way he'd botch this match. He'd waited way too long for this opportunity, and was happily rising to the occasion. The champion won as he was supposed to, but this match had put everyone on notice. His Raw debut had been more than successful. His colleagues watching backstage had nothing but praise for the new comer as they watched him get helped to the back, the gauntlet match in the ring continued and the next opponent's music started.

"You gonna go meet him?" Jason's voice broke through the haze surrounding Alex.

The TNA wrestler finally tore his eyes away from the screen, still shaking with exhilaration. He watched him perform countless times; even worked inside the ring with him, hell they'd been involved in one of the most popular angles in ROH when he joined the faction that Alex had originally started only to be kicked out of later. They still joked about that. Alex held strong to the belief that he left Generation Next on his own accord, but the younger boy always countered arguing that Alex had been thrown out and he had replaced him.

"Where?" He asked breathlessly.

"Down to the end of this hall, you'll come to the curtain. Hurry or you'll miss him."

Alex was gone before Jason could even finish his sentence. He rushed to the end of the hall weaving around those in his way. He was so afraid that he'd miss him; he wanted to be the first thing the younger boy saw. He skidded to a stop in front of the black curtain. His heart was pounding, and he knew it had nothing to do with his impromptu run; it was the boy behind the cloth barrier. Finally, it was swished out of place. He was sweaty; his cropped dark hair was a damp mess sticking up in odd slants. He was breathing hard; the exertion in the ring was showing in the way he held his arm protectively around his ribs. His eyes were downcast as he undoubtedly assessed his own performance out there. Alex could do nothing but stare open mouthed for a few precious seconds; he'd never seen him look so beautiful. Stardust from accomplished childhood dreams seemed to make his skin glisten a warm honey color. He had succeeded tonight, and Alex had never felt so proud of him. He would've given up all the money and TV time in the world for this moment.

"Matty," he called softly when he finally found his voice.

The dark haired boy's head shot up at the sound of a name he hadn't heard in a very long time. Chocolate eyes widened and blinked rapidly like they couldn't be trusted to see clearly. He shook his head trying to get rid of the lingering cob webs. But he still saw him standing there, this was no apparition, he was really here.

"Alex? What… How…" He jumbled all his thoughts out at once. "Oh my God," he lunged at the older boy, throwing his arms around his neck, and slamming himself into his chest. "I can't believe you're here."

Alex clutched the sticky boy tightly, tangling his fingers in his moist hair. He wanted to hold him so close they melded into each other, became one body, one soul right there in the hall way. He wanted to hold him forever and never let him go again. He wanted to go back to those early nights cocooned in blankets and forget about the rest of the world and the grown up decisions that had taken them away from each other to begin with.

"Oh Matty… Matty, I've missed you so much," Alex whispered against his ear.

"I can't believe you're here," he mumbled into his neck. "You didn't say anything about coming."

"I wanted to surprise you."

"Huh, well you did." The smaller boy pulled away just enough to look up at Alex. His eyes were shimmering, dancing over every feature he'd missed so much. He locked eyes with another pair of dark brown staring for just a moment before nodding to himself. "It's really you."

Alex chuckled, pulling him tighter against him. "Of course it's me."

"This is just too perfect though. It has to be a dream."

"No Matty, I'm here. There's no way I'd miss this debut."

He snuggled even closer to the older boy, sighing contentedly. Suddenly Jack Swagger came strolling through the curtain. He raised an eyebrow at the scene, but merely shrugged.

"We totally did it kid," he beamed that thousand watt smile. "Awesome job out there by the way, you totally stole the show. "

He detangled himself from the embrace, but his hand had immediately slipped into Alex's. Blushing he thanked the All American American. Jack smiled again and gave him a wink before going on down the hall.

"I should got take a shower… I'm gross," he concluded.

"You're beautiful," Alex argued.

Shaking his head he smiled at the older boy.

"But you should go get changed, I've got a few more surprises for you," the Detroit native pulled him close again and brushed his lips teasingly over that adorable pout.

"Mmm" he purred, "I love your surprises."

Alex smirked and they tore themselves away from each other long enough to navigate the hall way back to his locker room. It was empty when they reached it, and Alex decided to take advantage of the more private setting. He pressed the smaller brunette against the wall and claimed him in a mind numbing kiss. He ran his hands over his bare torso, smirking at the way the taut muscles quivered under his touch. He soon felt nimble fingers tugging at his hair, and soft nibbling on his bottom lip; he pulled him off the wall and flush against his own body by the brim of his ring pants. The younger boy moaned into the kiss and fought to break it. He gasped as he felt lips descend to his neck.

"'Tricks… wait… please-Oh…" His head fell back when Alex reached his ear. With one gentle tug to his earlobe he lost all ability at coherent thought.

Alex placed a light kiss to the spot just under his ear before lifting his head back up and staring into a pair of half lidded eyes.

"I believe you were saying something," he smirked.

"Hmm… Oh yeah." He wound his arms up around his neck while he spoke, "As much as I've missed you and this," he paused to place a chaste kiss on his lips, "I'd rather not get caught having sex in the locker room my very first night on Raw."

Alex pretended to ponder for a second. "Fine, I see your point. Go get ready so we can leave then."

Even though he said it he didn't remove his arms from around the younger boy. Instead he leaned in engaging in another kiss. Alex felt the arms around his neck tighten and he smirked into the kiss. Slowly, they recoiled, resting foreheads against each other as they tried to catch their breath.

"I really need that shower if we ever wanna get outta here." He leaned back on the wall trying to create space away from the heady kisses and intoxicating scent of the boy whose arms he was still wrapped in.

Alex sighed. "Okay."

He stole one more kiss then released the younger brunette. He needed a deep breath before he was able to move off the wall, then he went to his bag and began gathering clothes. When he turned around Alex was watching him.

"What?" He scrunched up his nose.

"C'mere," Alex smirked.

Giggling he allowed himself to be pulled into another embrace. Arms snaked around his hips and before he knew it lips were crashing into his again.

"Tricks, we really need to go before this goes anywhere else."

"I know, I know. Hurry up."

"You gotta let me go first."

"I'm never letting you go again."

He smiled, "Good."

The door to the locker room pushed open and a voice stopped in the door way.

"Hey, Ev I… Didn't know you had company," John Hennigan faltered.

"Oh, hey Johnny," the youngest smiled. "This is Alex Shelley, Alex this is John Hennigan. Or Morrison if you prefer."

"Hi," John forced out the pleasantry. "Didn't I see you with Jay watching the monitor?"

"Jay! I should've known," the newest addition to Raw glared playfully at Alex.

"Don't be too mad, I made Reso swear on AJ's life not to tell you."

"That's just mean."

Alex shrugged.

"Um…" John cut in, "Some of the guys wanted to take you out Ev, ya know to celebrate."

"Oh, wow…" He bit his lip looking at Alex. "I really appreciate it Johnny, but Alex and I kinda made plans."

"Oh," John replied curtly trying to shield his disappointment. "Um… No big deal, some other time then."

"I would it's just I didn't know he was coming… "

John shook his head, his dark tresses swinging about his shoulders. "It's fine."

"Do you wanna go Matty?" Alex knew the younger boy hated to disappoint people.

"But we were-"

"It's fine," Alex plastered a smile on his face. "We can hang out with the guys for a while."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

The younger boy beamed and was glad to accept the invitation.

"Now will you please go take your damn shower," Alex chastised.

"I was trying to earlier." He rolled his eyes, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Alex watched him go, cringing when he was finally alone with John. He glanced over at him only to find Hennigan staring at him. Alex squared his shoulders and crossed his arms over his chest. He met John with a raised brow of his own.

"How do you know Evan?" The question wasn't as personable as it should've been.

"_Matt_ and I met in the Indys." Alex hurled the correction like a dagger. "A bunch of us traveled together for a while and we worked ROH together."

"Matt?"

"His name. He wasn't always Evan Bourne."

"Maybe not, but that's the name people know him by now." John retorted. "He might be Matt to you, but here, to us, he's Evan."


	2. Chapter 2

~So after some thinking, & a very helpful reviewer, I decided that maybe there was more to tell with this story. There'll be at least one more chapter to this.... I think. As usual I don't own anyone affilated with WWE or TNA. I don't even own the song this is based on. PLEASE review this & let me know what you think, the pairng is a little different & I want to know if you guys like it, & if I should even continue with this story. So let me know what's up. Thanks =)~

Alex narrowed his eyes at the other wrestler trying to mask his feeling of falling through the floor. He steeled himself against the weight of the fear pulling him downward. He grasped at those vows made in the sanctuary of blankets to never change. The younger boy had sworn that he would always be his, but the look in John Hennigan's eyes seemed to dispute that promise.

Gritting his teeth Alex managed to answer him. "He'll always be Matt."

"That's in the past now," John shook his head. "You don't even know him anymore."

"And you do?"

John's smirk filled his face too fast to be anything but genuine. His deep brown eyes flashed telling Alex more than he ever wanted to know. His stomach lurched as he was yanked further downward. He squeezed his eyes shut, but still saw the other man's confident smile. John looked to take advantage of Alex's weakened condition, he swung at him again.

"You stopped being there for him a while ago, what did you expect him to do?"

Alex flinched, teeth digging into his bottom lip. "Stop it. He knows I was only a phone call away. He knows he could have come to me with anything."

"What were gonna do for him half way across the world in Japan?"

"He left me first," Alex suddenly shouted, "…when he went to Mexico."

John settled back triumphantly as Alex had to pant for his breath. The Detroit native felt his knees buckle a little more, but he refused to fall to the former tag team wrestler.

"You'll never be able to know him like I do," he shot back. "He cried himself to sleep in my arms the night his grandmother died. I was with him when he signed his ROH contract. He didn't leave my side once in 6 months when I shattered my jaw. I was the last thing he saw when he had to have surgery on his ankle, and I was the first thing he saw when he woke up in recovery. Where were you for all those?"

It was John's turn falter at Alex's blow. He ran his hand through his hair unsurely while his shoulders slumped.

"Matt is the real Evan. At the end of the day when all of the pretense is gone and he climbs into bed at night and calls me before he goes to sleep, that's the real him, that's my Matt."

John wasn't as good as Alex at concealing his pain; his eyes dulled a little and he shrank back toward the bench. Alex swelled a bit at his dominance, stepping up at John's shift back; daring him to take another shot. John looked at him defiantly and seemed to be ready to make a comeback, but the door swung open and the young brunette ambled in freshly showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a green collard t-shirt.

"You guys find something to talk about?" He asked casually while he dug his cologne out of his bag.

"Yeah," Alex replied tersely, he was still glaring obscenely at the California native across the room.

"Awesome," Matt smiled.

"So I'm gonna go find Phil and gather the troops. We'll meet you in the parking lot in like 10," John informed.

"Okay Johnny."

Before he left, the self proclaimed 'shaman of sexy' looked the younger boy up and down. "You look good Ev," he smiled.

Alex bristled, especially when he caught the faint blush staining those cherub cheeks. John tossed a smirk in Alex's direction then took his leave.

Matt spritzed himself with the square glass bottle, a fresh scent wafted throughout the room. It reminded Alex of being on the shore and looking out at the ocean. It was his favorite cologne, a fact that was not lost on the younger St. Louis local. When Alex looked over at him he was wearing a cheeky smirk; that look combined with the smell still floating about the room displaced any negative thoughts the eldest boy may have had.

"Are you sure you're okay with going out with everyone else?" Matt asked slipping his arms around the other boy's waist.

Alex watched those soft brown eyes dance in the harsh fluorescent light for a second. Even in this unattractive glow those eyes were still shining up at the taller boy. A small smile found its way across Alex's face. He reached up and adjusted the collar on Matt's shirt. He popped it up, and then smoothed out the creases in his shoulders. Still moving languidly, his hands went to cup those baby soft cheeks.

"I'm fine with anything you want to do," he assured. "It's your night. I'm here for you."

Matt's innocent doe eyes fell shut and he nestled into the words. Leaning in, Alex caught the boy's mouth in a simple, easy kiss.

"Hey hey, none of that!" A familiar voice admonished.

They separated smiling dreamily at each other. Jay Reso hustled them along from the doorway and soon enough Alex found himself squished into the backseat of Matt Hardy's rented Camry. The youngest Hardy Boy had called shot gun leaving the backseat for the three acquired passengers. It was a tight fit, but having the young high flyer pressed so close while driving brought back a lot of fun memories. He rested his chin on Matt's shoulder and whispered into his ear.

"You remember locking Aries in the trunk at that gas station in Columbus?"

Matt chuckled, leaning back into Alex he replied, "Serves him right after what he did to Roderick."

Alex laughed out right that time. "He had to use eyebrow pencil to draw the left one on for a month."

Matt snorted his own laugh. "Ah, god Jack used to make fun of him so bad. He used to call him Rachel in promos."

"He did to; used to make us all have to fucking re-do it."

"Have you heard from any of those guys lately?"

Alex shook his head. "Nah, I don't get to back much anymore."

"Yeah but at least you can go back. I'm under strict contract not to even talk to anyone in the other companies."

"What about me?"

"Well you're an exception," he whispered rolling his head back and placing a quick kiss in the column of Alex's throat.

A bright flash from the left lit up the whole car and the reflection nearly blinded Alex.

"God damnit Reso!" He yelled when he noticed the red digital camera through all the spots in front of his eyes. "Keep it up and I'm gonna take back that AJ action figure."

The Canadian just snickered and handed the device up to Jeff. The 'charismatic enigma' smiled back at the pair still pressed together.

"You guys are cute together," he concluded. "Ya'll fit together ya know."

He seemed to be looking straight into the younger brunette as he spoke. Matt looked away from those intense green eyes quickly and sat up in his own seat. Alex let him go suddenly finding the night sky outside very interesting. He battled the urge to glance over at Matt, and wondered just who Evan had been fitting in with lately.

Jeff didn't seem bothered by the tension that had settled in the car like a thick fog. He just scanned through the saved pictures on his camera. He came to one he liked and passed it back to Jay. The blonde grinned and shook his head.

"This gonna make it into the show?" He asked.

"Don't know yet," Jeff shrugged, "he's such a dumbass."

"That the picture of Shan?" The oldest Hardy brother smiled knowingly.

"The one where he's dressed up as the Wolf Man, yeah. He didn't wanna wash that damn paint off to save his life. Matt and Shane held him down and I hosed him off," Jeff chortled.

"I seem to remember having to turn the hose back on you two once he was clean," Matt added.

Jeff simply smirked. "He's hot when he's all wet."

Matt rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh at his brother. Jason laughed completely used to the youngest Hardy's audacity by now. He settled back into the seat with a noise of his own, his thoughts drifting to another boy he knew of that was hot when he was doused in water.

"When do you get to see AJ again?" Jeff asked turning to face the backseat.

"Not for another two weeks. He's got a bunch of promotions for the pay-per-view at the end of the month."

Alex's ears perked at that. "Yeah, I gotta be back tomorrow night for a match to set up heat for the X-title."

"You've gotta be back tomorrow?" The boy responsible for this outing demanded.

"Yeah. I came to watch you but I can't stay Matty," he answered dejectedly.

"But you're only here for a night? I thought you'd stay for a couple days or something."

"I wish I could."

The younger boy bit down on his bottom lip, refusing to look at the Detroit resident. Alex never reconsidered picking his head back up and offering a bolstering smile, he always hated it when Matt got upset.

"Hey, I haven't left yet okay?"

"You're right," he tried to smile. Alex immediately pulled the smaller boy close again.

Matt backed his rental car into place right beside the Focus that Phil had opted for. The other boys looked to be more enthusiastic about their nightly venture. Greetings and pounds exchanged they all headed into the local dive. There was an okay crowd inside; even some more of the roster were hanging out. The champion was holding a pool cue, but waved at his earlier opponent when he saw the boy come in. Alex smiled at the look that came over his face at the recognition. He still reminded Alex of that eager little boy setting out to capture his wildest dreams.

"Congratulations Evan," a smooth accent stepped up beside him.

"Thanks Kofi. I've gotta say you were right, it does feel like I've reached another level here."

"Well we are on the flagship show now. Raw is a much bigger production than ECW," the supposed Jamaican replied.

"Yeah it's crazy backstage man."

"Well you've still got Johnny and me so no worries."

Matt's smile staggered and he glanced at Alex. The older boy's expression soured and he didn't try to cover it up. He disentangled his fingers from Matt's, beginning to scan the bottles waiting behind the bar tender.

Alex ordered a shot, as the bar back set up the glass Alex felt a familiar body slide up beside him.

"Make it two," Matt nodded at the vodka.

The bar tender looked at him for a moment, Alex snickered to himself wondering if this one would I.D. Matt. Most of them did, and the two usually placed bets on it when they went out together. Alex had won breakfast in bed for a year off one of those nights. Unfortunately, he had only gotten about three mornings of his winnings. Matt was in the middle of pulling his wallet out of his back pocket when a shot glass was placed in front of him.

Alex kept glancing back and forth between the glasses. Neither boy was a huge drinker, just a couple of beers here and there. The TNA wrestler grabbed his glass and threw back the shot, his WWE counterpart slamming his down a moment after. The younger boy grimaced at the burn sliding down his throat. He pushed his glass away, Alex mimicked him.

"This was a bad idea," Matt announced. "We shoulda gone back to the hotel."

"No, you wanted to come and hang out with the guys, so go hang out. I'm sure Hennigan's around here somewhere."

Alex felt the boy beside him tense for a second, and then he stepped back. Alex's head dropped in dreaded anticipation.

"I'm sure he is. And I'm sure Sabin's waiting on your call."

Matt pushed himself away from the bar and headed across the small space to the pool table. Alex heaved a hefty sigh. He motioned to the bar tender to refill his glass. He stared into the clear liquid fire as if it was a crystal ball showing scenes from the past. He watched the pictures unfold until they began to show him things he'd rather forget. He quickly downed his shot and ventured over to the growing crowd by the pool table. He kept on the fringe of the group just peeking between the bodies and over the heads of those around him, easily spotting Matt talking to John Hennigan on the other side of the table.

"Having a Boo Radley moment?" A soft drawl snuck up behind him.

He turned to find a pair of discerning green eyes. "Hey Jeff."

"I'd ask how things are, but I can see they've been better."

"Once upon a time ago."

The younger Hardy nodded and slid his hands into the pockets of his ripped jeans.

"You and Shan have been together since you were kids right?" Alex heard himself suddenly ask.

"Mm-hm."

"How'd you make young love last?" His brown eyes never moved away from the two boys leaning casually against the wall.

Jeff tucked the pieces of colorful hair that weren't contained in his messy bun back behind his ear; the plum had faded to lavender. "It didn't."

"But you still love each other after all these years."

"Young love had nothing to do with that, that's honest to God hard work." He corrected." Young love is sweet and all, but no one has ever survived on that alone. When the stars are in your eyes you can't really see the person you claim to love. Once they clear and all their faults are out in the open, out on display and you still need them to be able to breathe… that's love. Anyone can come along and blind ya with the stars, but real love helps you see things clear."

Alex seemed star struck by the younger Hardy. He looked at him with such esteem you'd think he was one of his biggest fans. Suddenly a thought clobbered him over the head.

"What if the stars are too bright?" He asked gazing back over to the 'guru of greatness'.

John was leaning in close to Matt, whispering something in his ear. Matt was chuckling softly as he nodded along. Alex felt his blood turn to ice in his veins. Even with the alcohol in his system a chill settled in the very marrow of his bones.

"There aren't any stars that burn brighter than the flame of true love," Jeff assured quietly as if the words were for the distressed Machine Gun alone. "John isn't a bad guy, he really likes Evan. You can't help who you fall in love with, and in all fairness you two weren't totally exclusive."

"It was just so hard. We were so far apart all the time…. But I never stopped-"

"Neither did he Alex. Believe me. The way he lights up around you… there isn't another living soul that gets that reaction. Not even John Hennigan."

The heavy anchor tightened around his neck again and wrenched his head down. "Maybe he should."

Jeff scoffed. "Don't be stupid Shelley. You and Evan are two halves of the same whole man. That shit doesn't come around every day. You let him go and you'll never get that back. Sure you might be able to be happy, but that passion; that fire that you feel ignite every time you see him, you'll never get that back again."

"How-"

"Just trust me," Jeff interrupted him once more. "Me and Shannon have loved each other since we were kids, but that doesn't mean we never lost sight of each other. Some stars can be awfully blinding."

Alex just couldn't see anything keeping Shannon Moore and Jeff Hardy apart. He was pretty sure that the Northern Lights could appear directly in front of them and he doubted either one would notice. He remembered a time when the only color he ever saw was the warm rich chocolate of Matt's eyes. He glanced across the table again and froze instantly. John had his arm wrapped around Matt's waist; the younger boy looked quite comfortable.

Matt's playful smirk quickly fell as soon as he met the dark russet scowl across the room. He bit his bottom lip in response to the ache he could read in that forlorn stare. He cast his own eyes down and disentangled himself from John. His voice was soft; shamed as he informed the older wrestler he had to leave. John threw a cursory glare in Alex's direction but knew there was nothing he could do; the smaller boy had made up his mind. John watched his trek across the room as he kept to the outside of the group and cringed when he immediately slipped his hand into Alex's.

"Can we go back now?" He whispered.

Jeff smiled softly over at Alex. The older brunette couldn't help the relief that flooded through him, and he looked to the youngest Hardy boy in a silent thank you. Finally he reached up cupping Matt's smooth cheek. He rubbed his thumb across the pout; Matt instantly caught the digit in a teasing kiss.

"Let's get outta here," Alex concluded.

He glanced at Jeff once more before heading outside with Matt. They stood on the curb waiting for a taxi to approach. There was a chill in the air, but thankfully no breeze. Alex wrapped his arms around Matt and pulled the boy's back against his chest. He rubbed his hands up and down the other boy's bare arms hoping to warm him.

"I'm sorry," Matt whispered resting his head back on the toned chest.

"Not here okay?" Alex replied.

Matt nodded. He closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in the rhythm of the older boy's heart beat, but it was too fast to lull him as it once did.

"C'mon," Alex nudged him toward one of the yellow cars.

Matt slid in first and told the driver the hotel's address. He slid back and placed his head on Alex's shoulder, keeping his eyes focused out the window on the passing night sky. Alex's fingertips were absently rubbing his hip. The halted apology still hung in the air, suffocating a comfort that used to be second nature. Alex monitored the opposite window concentrating on the stars burning brightly overhead.


	3. Chapter 3

~So this is the last chapter of Still. i gotta say thank-you to LC Riots for 313. she's totally the reason this story progressed from the beginning scene to this last chapter. i want to decdicate this whole thing to you for being an awesome reviewer & an equally amazing writer. i hope you enjoy it ^-^ As always i love feedback so please take the time to review if you took the time to read it. Thanks!~

~Chapter 3~

A heavy silence hung between the two wrestlers as they rode the elevator up to the 5th floor. Alex waited for Matt to slide the key card through the lock. He'd pictured this night going so differently when he boarded the plane in Orlando. He had envisioned a night full of lips and tongues in places and on skin that had missed meaningful affection. He had envisioned a night full of blanketed conversations and the safe harbor of a lover's arms. Instead he'd gotten struck down by the night's stars and was beginning to wonder if holding onto his own rising star was really just holding him back. Matt threw the key onto the stand and dragged his hands through his short dark hair, tugging not so gently at the ends. Alex followed him in; the door clicked loudly behind him. The younger boy kept his back to the door and Alex.

The TNA competitor opened his mouth to suggest that he should just head to the airport now, but when he caught sight of his WWE counterpart's taut arms around his stomach and bowed head all thoughts of leaving disappeared. Alex knew the smaller boy was chewing his bottom lip, a gesture that always meant he was overwhelmed. Alex's heart acted on its accord and he found himself instantly behind Matt; placing soothing hands on his tense shoulders. The boy flinched and began to step away, causing both of them to feel something crack inside their chests.

"Matty." Alex fought out through his sudden dry mouth. "Please."

The boy turned around looking up with huge shimmering eyes. "I just can't… I can't do this anymore… And I can't not be with you… I don't know what to do… Tell me what to do Tricks." Big salty diamonds started to slip down smooth cheeks.

"Baby," Alex pulled him against his chest trying to hold the boy together.

"This hurts so much," Matt mumbled out.

"Listen to me," Alex pulled back to cup his hands to those wet cheeks. Steeling himself against the possible pain he was asking for he found a pair of dark eyes and gathered the words. "Tell me what you want the most. I can go… You can have Hennigan. "

Alex watched those eyes squint in confusion then darken to nearly coal. Matt shoved the older boy away from him. Alex actually stumbled a bit, barely getting his footing and avoiding falling backward.

"How noble of you; to give me to Johnny. Never mind what this is doing to him."

"I don't care about him," Alex interrupted. "I'm trying to do what you want."

"What I want," Matt scoffed. "You really think I want John Hennigan."

"Well you clearly wanted him tonight… And I know you've had him other times."

Matt's chin dropped and his stance shifted, the words knocking him back.

"You're not gonna deny it?" Alex demanded.

"No." The younger boy's jaw set and he squared his shoulders. "Denying it isn't going to make it go away, is it Alex?" He spat the same words out that had nearly destroyed him once upon a time ago.

"Don't," the older brunette implored casting his face down at the blow.

"Why? Does it hurt you to hear?" His voice was strong, but had an unmistakable tinge of pain underneath.

"You can't keep using that against me. You hurt me too!" Alex yelled back. "You just left me… You didn't even think twice about leaving TNA."

"You told me to! You encouraged me, said it was a good opportunity. You can't hold something you told me to do against me. And it's not like I didn't fucking try… You were just too busy falling into Sabin's arms."

"What was I supposed to do? You killed me when you left; Chris was only trying to help."

"Yeah," the younger boy scoffed with a roll of his eyes, "help you right into bed."

"Don't put that on him! You… I… I felt like you just abandon everything we had. I was lonely."

"Well so was I. I was in a whole other country and all I wanted was you. And you were back here with Sabin. I had to hear it from Daniels, you didn't even tell me."

"I told you why…" Alex pushed his hands roughly through his short hair. "It wasn't anything but comfort and when you came back we were so good. I didn't wanna fuck that up."

"So just lie to me for a year!"

"I didn't lie to you! Besides, you never mentioned Hennigan. I never would've known if he hadn't fucking told me. And then Jeff telling me how much he cares for you; like I wanna hear that shit."

"So you can take comfort in Sabin but I'm not allowed to have anyone? You wanna talk about killing you; you fucking destroyed me Alex." Matt bit hard on his bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

"And I'm sure Hennigan just couldn't wait to swoop in and take advantage," the older boy accused.

"It wasn't like that. Don't say that about him," Matt's eyes narrowed.

"Really, so you fell into his waiting arms willingly then. Is that how it happened _Evan_?"

"You're unbelievable." Matt turned back to the window.

"Are you happy now?" Alex inquired after a moment of deafening silence. "You got your revenge? And yes it fucking hurts… Is that what you wanted?"

Matt whipped back around; fire burned in those smoldering eyes. "If that's what I wanted then I would've done it a long time ago. I could've when I first found out."

"Then tell me what you do want," the Detroit boy shouted. "You aren't making any sense right now, what do you want from me?"

"I want you; I've always wanted you! But I want you like before…. Before Mexico, before Japan, before Sabin, before John… Before everything," he finished in a tiny whisper.

Alex closed his eyes against the threat stinging them. He rolled his head up to face the ceiling wishing the answers or at least something akin to hope would wash over him. He got neither; instead when he opened his eyes again he saw the boy that owned every piece of his heart had turned his back to him once more and this time his shoulders were shaking.

"We can't go back Matty," he said softly. "We keep trying and we just can't."

"I know. But I love you. I can't…"

"I know. I love you… so much."

Matt turned back around, "so what do we do?"

"…Maybe we've hurt each other too much." Alex finally answered.

A choked gasp filled the room.

"I'm sorry Matty," he hung his head.

Almost immediately Alex felt a pair of frantic arms wind around him. Matt held him tightly digging his face into his chest. Alex reciprocated the embrace tangling his fingers in the boy's hair. He dropped butterfly kisses against the side of his neck and ear. He knew he needed to be the stronger one, he just doubted that he could. He squeezed the boy in his arms and tried to swallow the thick lump clinging in his throat.

"Matty-"

"No… no don't." He pressed himself closer into the older boy.

Alex's eyes started to leak, warm wet drops slipping down his face falling onto Matt's neck and shoulder.

"I don't want to… but I don't know how to make it right this time."

The younger brunette whimpered like the words caused him physical pain.

"Baby, listen to me... You mean everything to me. But you're gonna soar Matty… Up among the stars." Alex's words had to compete with his sobs now. "And you deserved to be blinded by them for a while...instead of lost in the dark."

"No," he argued hysterically pulling their foreheads together so he could stare into a mirror of his own hurt. "You are my light…. I don't want the stars, I don't want Hennigan, I just want you…. Please just want me like you used to."

"I always wanted you Matty," hot humid breath ghosted against flushed cheeks.

"Then why…?"

"I don't know. I was so lost without you beside me. I was scared; you were in Mexico experiencing so many new things. It was supposed to be us… but you got to go without me," Alex tried to explain.

"You were jealous?"

"No, it was just… You didn't need me anymore."

"Of course I needed you Tricks. You're the whole reason I even went to Mexico. I just wanted to make you proud of me."

"I was always proud of you Matty. I just felt like I was losing you."

"And Chris was there," the shooting star whispered. "Just like Johnny."

"Yeah, guess so."

Alex dropped a kiss into dark hair; just holding onto the boy for all he was worth, afraid to let go in case it really was the last time.

"How do we fix this Tricks?"

Alex tightened his grip around a leanly toned waist. "I don't know baby. I'm not sure we can."

"But if we love each other than why can't we?" Huge fawn like eyes blinked up at him taking him back to when they were just kids hiding under the blankets fumbling a first kiss.

"Sometimes love just isn't enough. Besides, I don't wanna hold you back anymore. Hennigan does care about you and he can be here for you all the time; I can't. You deserve to be the happiest you possibly can be Matty."

"Then don't do this," he sniffed.

"I just think we need this right now."

A muffled protest was lost in the material of Alex's shirt, and the taller brunetteclamped his teeth down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming. He kept silently repeating that he had to do this, it was for Matty, his shooting star; the boy who was more than any wish could ever grant. Alex realized that they'd both gone very still, he leaned his mouth down to the other's ear.

"Baby?"

Matt suddenly ripped away from the embrace. His eyes were watery, but that fire still glowed around the center.

"Don't! Just go if you're fucking going." He had to turn back to the window like the mere sight of the older boy was too much to bear.

"Matty please don't be like this," he tried to plead.

His hand was just reaching out to brush that ripened berry skin when the smaller boy spun around and pushed him hard. Alex fell back this time barely catching himself on the bed. He sat there stunned, elbow resting on the soft mattress the fuller portion of his body on the ugly carpet. They'd fought before. Matt had punched him square in the jaw when he found out about Chris, and all the anger flashing across that pure face still looked much too foreign, the only difference now was his eyes. Before they were shocked, all his trust broken, now it almost looked like he'd expected this fall out. Maybe Alex was more right than he dared admit.

"Get out." The whisper was vicious like a cornered animal. "Go back to Orlando; back to Sabin."

Alex gathered himself to his feet, never taking his eyes off the boy that he suddenly didn't recognize. He was tense, all his weight waiting on the balls of his feet. He opened his mouth a couple times, grasping for words that just wouldn't come to him.

He wet his lips and rasped out, "Is this really how we're gonna do this?"

"We're not doing anything anymore. We're not kids anymore are we?"

"No, you've clearly grown up," Alex swiveled his neck hoping to ease the spasm. "Hennigan help you with that?"

Those eyes darkened to onyx now. "Yeah he did, and it felt damn good. Revenge was sweet and I couldn't wait for you to find out."

The barb cut him deep; he felt blood gush from somewhere. "Good… good, I'm sure he'll be able to nurse you through this too. I'm sorry I wasted your time _Evan_."

"Fuck you! You've got no right," he growled stepping forward fists clenched.

Alex snapped before either realized what was happening. He ducked the swing aimed at him and tackled the smaller boy around the middle. They grappled to the bed; cursing and panting in their efforts to overpower the other. Alex caught Matt with an elbow to the chin in the scuffle; he huffed and jammed a knee into the exposed ribs expelling a grunt form the Detroit native. Matt tried to roll on top of the older boy but Alex used the momentum and they crashed to the floor. The younger boy's head smacked against the bed side stand. He cried out and arched up slamming another knee into Alex's crotch.

"Ah fuck." He yelped rolling off the lithe body.

Matt discarded the opportunity to capitalize instead he lay where he was willing the pounding in his head to stop. A warm copper taste lingered in his mouth from biting his tongue when Alex clocked him in the chin. Alex groaned, the pain in his groin throbbed and breathing was tender thanks to the shot to the ribs. Matt slowly opened his eyes when he heard the noise. He could easily reach out and kick the boy lying adjacent to him, but he didn't. He gingerly sat up; resting his back against the bed frame. Alex pulled himself over to the bed and leaned against it as well.

"You fight dirty," Alex proclaimed after getting his air back.

"You deserved it." Matt retorted. "You're the one that's walking away."

"And you don't think I should after all this?"

"God you're always making excuses. If you wanna leave then fucking go but don't say it's 'cause of this. This just proves that you shouldn't go anywhere," Matt leaned his head back on the soft mattress and closed his eyes.

"How does fighting like kids prove I should stay? We've clearly got issues."

"And passion. You're not the only one Jeff talked to."

"Oh Jesus H. Christ," Alex grunted as he shifted up straighter.

Both boys were quiet for a minute, just resting side by side lost in thoughts all their own but similar none the less.

Matt was the first to speak. "I didn't mean it ya know, what I said about revenge and stuff."

"I know. You were right; I have no room to talk about anything."

"No you don't."

It got pin drop quiet again, and they got lost in their own heads for a second time.

"Maybe we do need a break or something," was sighed heavily into the air.

Alex dropped his head to the top his bent knee. It sounded so logical and so far from what either of them wanted. They were literally fighting to stay together so why did he hear himself agree completely?

"Yeah, just for a bit. It'd be good for us to reassess things," he said softly.

"Yeah," Alex had to strain to hear the voice that was even quieter than his. "Can we do it tomorrow? I just wanna go to bed now."

That was the best idea Alex had ever heard. They could sort this all out tomorrow when they were calmer and more rational. They hauled themselves slowly to their feet and Matt headed to the bathroom.

"How's your head?" Alex inquired.

"I'll live," he replied then shut the door.

Alex pulled his shirt off when the water began to run in the sink. He glanced around at the single room and begrudgingly threw a pillow over onto the tiny couch by the window. Matt reemerged shirtless and in a pair of loose track pants. He quirked an eyebrow at the pillow and at Alex who was standing so unsurely in the very middle of the room.

"I promise I won't try to smother you in your sleep or nothing; that couch is way too small."

"Just didn't know how you'd feel about it," Alex shrugged.

Matt rubbed his hands over his face forcefully shoving them back in his hair. "Look, can we just please pretend that we aren't doing this for tonight. All of our issues will still be there in the morning right?"

"Okay," Alex replied gently, he moved the pillow back on the bed.

They each settled down on an edge, making sure to leave plenty of room in between them. Matt fiddled with the covers trying in vain to get comfortable. The room was dark except for a stream of moonlight peeking through the curtains and the fluorescent numbers on the digital clock sitting beside the bed. Alex lay flat on his back staring up at the ceiling, while the boy next to him was curled up on his side. Alex sighed under his breath when he glanced over and saw the curve of his spine.

~xxx~

The darkness had encroached on him but sleep was still elusive. The clock read 3:17 but that couldn't be right, he felt like it should be closer to morning. He knew Matt was still awake because it was too quiet, he didn't hear any cute little snore puffs. Finally he just couldn't take all that silence.

"You're still awake."

"You are too."

Alex ached to move closer to the warm body next to him, but there seemed to be this impenetrable wall between them. Suddenly something breeched that wall and an arm slid over his stomach. Heat radiated at his side.

"Touch me Alex. I can't sleep this close to you and have you not touch me."

He hesitated but only because thoughts of morning complexions plagued his whirling mind.

"Please Tricks."

Alex turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. Matt instantly pulled the coverlet up and over their heads. He snuggled closer; placing his forehead against Alex's.

"Matty," the older boy closed his eyes, his whisper was barely audible even that close.

"Look at me," a hand touched his cheek, thumb rubbing over the line of fashionable stubble on his jaw.

Alex complied, gazing into a pair of the softest chocolateeyes. For once the Motor City Machine Gun was rendered speechless.

"We promised we wouldn't do this remember? That night we spent in Kalamazoo, the night that D'amour set us up with the scouts from ROH. We wrestled each other remember?"

"Yeah, I put you over. The guy came back, gave us his number, and then never could book us in anything when we called him."

"Yeah. We had like 6 of us in a room barely this size that night 'cause Petey didn't have any money."

"No, none of us got paid that night. We had to dig in the van cushions for the last $5.53"

"We only found a buck and some change, the guy just took pity on us."

They shared a chuckle pressing a little closer to each other.

"We said that we'd never let the business get in the way of us," Matt brought the conversation back on track. "We had so many plans, we were gonna go so many places; but we were never supposed to forget each other. I never forgot you Tricks."

"I never meant to do this to us Matty. You were just so far away and both of us got so busy. I don't know how we lost sight of each other."

Suddenly Jeff's words came back to him _"Just trust me. Me and Shannon have loved each other since we were kids, but that doesn't mean we never lost sight of each other. Some stars can be awfully blinding." _

"Yeah but how do you deal with them until they burn out Jeff?" Alex thought to himself. "Hennigan isn't going anywhere; we'll end up right back in the same place."

"What? You're obviously thinking about something," Matt inquired.

"Just something Jeff said to me earlier. Matty, you know I fucking love you, but… Hennigan's still here and I still can't be; and Chris and I are still a tag team. How are we gonna deal with that? I don't wanna hurt you anymore and I'm not gonna lie I can't stand the thought of Hennigan being near you."

"The feeling's mutual about you and Sabin," the younger boy bristled.

Alex grazed a kiss across his cheek, "don't get mad, I don't wanna fight again."

"Me neither. Johnny and me…. We only hooked up a few times but we are friends. He wants more but," he shrugged off the rest of the statement.

"Do you like him?" Alex couldn't believe they were going to have this conversation.

"Like and love are different, hell love and this is different," Matt squeezed the older boy.

"I know. Chris is my best friend, I love him ya know?"

The younger brunette nodded begrudgingly. The Guns had always been close, even before everything started to unravel.

"We've never given a thought to being with anybody else, but maybe this is like a sign," Alex suggested. "Come to think of it, you've never been with anybody else-"

"I've never wanted anyone else," Matt interrupted.

"Yeah but Baby, I don't want to keep you from experiencing new things. Hennigan might be best for you." Alex had to swallow down the bile that wanted to rise.

"No, it's different with Johnny and me… he's everything I could want, but I just don't… not like that. Even when we were together it was always about you. I wanted to forget you or I wanted to hurt you; you were always there."

"It was like that with me and Chris too; purely physical and only because I couldn't have you."

"I can't do an open relationship Alex…" Matt spoke fearful this progress, if one could call it that, would be damaged.

"Me neither."

The younger St. Louis native sighed in relief. "But this leaves us back at square one."

Alex remained quiet, the situation seemed hopeless. Together or apart they seemed destined to hurt the one they could about the most.

"God, how did Jeff and Shannon do this?" Matt mumbled into the strong chest in front of him.

"They knew when to let go and watch each other fly," Alex finally figured. "We gotta do this Matty, this isn't fair to either one of us. It's like all those songs ya know 'if you love something let it go and if it comes back then that's how you know'"

"I know that you're right, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"Love isn't easy, it's hard work," the older brunette kissed the other boys' ear, and then sucked on the spot just below it. The smaller boy mewled in pleasure running his hands down the curve of Alex's back.

Lips suckled the skin along that soft neck until they found a perfect pout and claimed it for their own. Alex devoured Matt pulling the lithe body as close as physically possible. Limbs tangled, fingers caressed through short dark hair, two separate entities breathed each other in and became one under the protective cocoon of the duvet.

~xxx~

The bright morning sun streamed through the curtains falling on rumpled white sheets. It traced the exposed contours of two entwined bodies and seemed to collect in two pairs of dark mocha eyes. They knew they had to get up, Alex's flight left at noon, but when they left this bed they would be separate beings again. Completely separate. Neither one were ready for that quite yet.

They lingered in twisted blankets for as long as they could; stealing kisses and whispering sweet everythings. Waiting until the last possible second Alex drug himself out of the bed, he pulled on his jeans and snagged a well worn cotton t-shirt that was a little tighter than he was to. Matt smiled sitting up, sheets pooling around his waist. Alex checked the clock; the taxi was probably waiting downstairs already. He leaned down and captured that beautiful pout one last time. Fingers gently pressed into the nape of his neck when he tried to pull away. His bottom lip was nipped and he was pulled back in for more. He tangled his fingers into Matt's hair ready to crawl back into bed with this delicious boy. Oxygen eventually made them relinquish the affection and Alex had to leave now while he still could. He slipped his hoodie on, shouldered his back pack, and made his way to the door. He paused before opening it and looked back at the younger brunette; Matt was worrying his bottom lip in between his teeth and wringing the sheet in his hands.

"I love you Matty. We will find our way back to each other okay?"

"I know. I love you Tricks."

Alex forced himself out of the room, falling against the wall once he was in the hallway. He felt it inside, colder, emptier, Jeff was right; that fire was gone. Alex trudged toward the elevator; he took it down to the lobby all the while chewing the inside of his cheek to keep the sting in his eyes at bay. The doors slid open with a ping and Alex threw his hood up before he got off the lift. Some of the competition's roster was scattered around the lobby. He nodded at Phil, and gave Jeff a small dismal wave. The youngest Hardy's face fell like he immediately knew what happened. Phil began to make his way across the lobby, but a friendly tattooed hand on his shoulder told him it wasn't a good time. Alex was grateful. He continued past the desk, digging his short nails into his palms when John Hennigan and his friend Mike walked by. Cold brown eyes met and for a moment Alex was afraid; afraid that he'd follow his instincts and tackle Hennigan into the wall.

"For Matty, for Matty," he kept repeating in his head. He paused at the elaborate glass doors at the front of the hotel and watched as Hennigan hurried onto the elevator leaving a somewhat confused Mike behind.

A horn blared next to him, he jumped. "You waitin' for a cab buddy?"

Alex ignored the gruff inquisition and slid silently in the back seat. He'd have to hurry if he wanted to make his flight; he had made a promise to Chris.


End file.
